Political rant. A young'un sounds off on Arkie politiks
Dogtownius
Adventures in the politics and society of my beloved hometown, North Little Rock.
DOGTOWN WARD 1: Ross YES, Brown HELL NO
It's time to start some traditions here at the Casa de Dawg with a quick Brummettesque rundown of those whom I dig, and those that can just go suck it.
DIG IT: MIKE BEEBE. Stop complaining about Asa!s kid commercial, Mr. Governor Elect. Underage kids are definitely a recurring thing in the GOP this election season. Best not to engage.
SUCK IT: ASA. When that commercial came out, the Dems nervously said you had finally run out of ideas. But seriously, no shit, you really have run out of ideas. Even your little bitches at ArkFam are beginning to despair and have lapsed into calling each other homos again. And I've always wanted to know, was it noisy in that apartment in DC back in 1999 when your brother Tim was shtupping his mistress Randi? Did you have to cover for him when his old lady or his pastor called? Did you ever say to him "Gee, Tim, I know everybody needs a skanky piece of ass now and then, but I really don't think you are supporting our family-friendly GOP platform comforting your staff with your rod."
SUCK IT: GUNNER DELAY. The major problem with Arkansas, according to Gunner, is there are just too many homos homoing it up, homoing around, homoing in on adoption, homoing up the schools, homoing non-homos, and homoing up churches. Go homo yourself, Gunner.
DIG IT: DUSTIN MCDANIEL. Good strategy-- let Gunner masturbate himself to death with guns and gays. Eww.
DIG IT: BILL HALTER. You can outgrow the carpetbagger label. You definitely have the smarts. But bag that stupid coach commercial. And just between us guys . . . can you give me an address on that porn site Holt keeps talking about?
SUCK IT: JIM HOLT. On the other hand, if you're crazier than a shithouse rat, well, that's hard to outgrow. Even the repubs are embarassed, especially now that he has a better shot than Asa at getting elected. I've said it before: if/when the GOP ticket fails, it will be blamed on Jim Holt and Charlie Daniels.
DIG IT: CHARLIE DANIELS. Hey. Charlie. Wake up. You won four more years. Yeah. No, I have no idea how you wound up on my couch. Just sleep it off, man.
DIG IT: VIC SNYDER. Even the DemGaz recommended this dependable liberal over his leg-humping opponent. He's the smartest guy in our congressional delegation, and he demonstrated remarkable restraint in this week's thinly-veiled attack on hs wife. Maybe when Mark Pryor makes it official and goes Republican we can make Vic our new junior senator.
SUCK IT HARD: ANDY MAYBERRY. The aforementioned humper of legs, and now the posterboy for electoral autoerotic asphyxiation. Hit all the usual queer-marriage-Jesus-dead babies-gun notes in the debate, then goes after Vic's dirty liberal Methodist minister wife for preaching tolerance. Fine, let's have the wives debate. I'd love to see liberal Betsy slap Julie's bony ass (literally and figuratively) back to East End. It would be . . . Christ-like.
SUCK IT: CHRIS MORRIS. Getting fired by the Governor in the last eight weeks of his term is no kind of recommendation for statewide office. You are so boned, dude.
DIG IT: MIKE HUCKABEE. Aww, hell. I'm feeling charitable. He's gone. He's not going to be President, though he doesn't know that yet. He just helped throw the Treasurer's race to Shoffner, even though she already had it in the bag. I can't help suspecting that he's secretly laughing at Asa and Holt and their Northwest Arkansas wahabism as it flames out. After a decade fighting the good fight against Huck and his vanilla conservatism, I guess us liberals just have to laugh with him, not at him.
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